I WOKE UP ALL OF A SUDDEN.
Darkness returned my sleepy gaze. And the stillness that serves as a prelude to the morning was like a familiar friend waiting to greet me. My name is Balwant Srivastav, my friends call me Babloo. But even the name Babloo sounds alien to my ears since I dont really have friends. Very few people know me. And contrary to the ways of the world, I am happy being unknown. The fewer people one knows, the less complicated the rollercoaster of life is. But somehow my simple life did get complicated. I didn’t plan it. It just happened. Destiny took some surprise turns, which rendered me a stranger to my own life.
‘They’ said that I had psychiatric problems. That I was autistic. ‘They’ said that I was schizophrenic and psychotic. That I had a split personality disorder. ‘They’ said that I had no social skills and all my conversations were disjointed. ‘They’ said so many other things that I eventually stopped paying attention. By the way, ‘they’ also said I had Attention Deficit Disorder. But these so called experts who had the upper hand – ‘they’ didn’t really know me.
My pride doesn’t prevent me from admitting to my shortcomings. I admit that I’m a little slow in my responses. It is a fact that most of the time, I have nothing to offer to a conversation. But little do ‘they’ know that I understand everything.
However, no one ever understands me. And when that happens, one feels all alone in the world. Yes, I do feel alone but not lonely. There’s a difference.
Nature was generous enough to give me a best friend within myself. Sometimes ‘he’ answered me, at other times, ‘he’ asked me questions and provided me with clarity of thought. In situations that demanded it, ‘he’ helped me recognize my inner strength and manifest it into physical force.
No one understood the dual existence of ‘him’ and me that made
me the person I am. Only the railway tracks that ran along outside
my bedroom window knew the both of us individually. The endless,
idle wooden planks connected by durable steel had formed a fine
segregation between my fantasy and reality.
I lie awake while my mind races and thoughts overlap each other,
putting me in a state of confusion. My restless mind starts pulling me
in different directions as I recall the uneventful chain of non-events
that are my life and piece them together one by one. Soon I
surrender to blissful sleep.